I carried a watermelon.

the love of my life is dead.

mr. swayze died of pancreatic cancer, I know, I know this is very old news and he might be old enough to be my dad. in fact he is old enough to be my dad. at 10:35 in the am mind you, I started watching dirty dancing for the first time.  in this movie he is not too old for me, therefore I can love him.  end of discussion.

I have decided to protest against solid food for the next 26 hours.  pure liquid diet. no I do not think I am fat.  I just want to try it out, I did it once when I was eleven so I figured it's high time I try it again... and it has nothing to do with the fact that I have to have surgery tomorrow. fine that is a lie, it has everything to do with my surgery and I am not even sure if I can call it surgery, 

I am having an endoscopy aka an esophagogastroduodenoscopy (EGD).  alright all you medical minds out there break it down.

esophago- esophagus 

gastro- stomach

duodeno- duodenum 

-scopy- scope, camera, "let's have look inside of her" 

you will now have to excuse me, I paused the movie 18 minutes in to blog, now Patrick is pestering me to push play.  

show and tell.

If you love someone, tell him or her.  Forget about the rules or the fear of looking ridiculous.  What is truly ridiculous is passing up on an opportunity to tell someone that your heart is invested in him or her.

punishment.

I want to kiss a boy. Not just any boy.

wind, hospitals, and drums.

gallbladder removed; cholecystectomy 11/30/2011
windy night in bountiful 12/1/2011
12 trees down in the cemetery
1 house set on fire
1.5 hours of wait time at the dump
complications arose post op 12/2/2011
church canceled 12/4/2011
pretty rough week if you ask me.

this rendition of the little drummer boy is quite good and maybe can bring some spirits up.

and her kitty.

it was my birthday, five years of life and all I could focus on was a kitty. 

arsenal for men.

so I stumbled upon this article. I wish I could take credit for it, but credit is due elsewhere.

You see a lot of advice for picking up women given by guys- as resident femme on site, I’m here to tell you that this situation is fundamentally flawed. I’m not saying that a man will lead you wrong, but what you’re going to get is a lot of different approaches that work for different types of guys. At the end of the day, a lot of what you try isn’t going to match up with your personal style, and putting it into practice is going to burn harder than napalm in your shorts. What most guys don’t realize is there is one surefire, move that will work for any man on the planet, and it’s dead simple. 

There’s a lot of debate over whether being the nice guy or the bad boy is going to work better, but the reality is we gals can be selfish, confusing, and we want the perfect mix of both at any given time. To avoid exploding one head or the other trying to work out what’s appropriate when, work with a simple combination: approach, deliver a very basic appearance based compliment, and walk away. Seriously. We are actually this easy. You think you know what I mean, but you don’t; stay with me for a second here before you dash off to conquer the world.

The beauty of this pick up is that it is literally on the move- it fits any situation, can be practiced anywhere, on any woman, and with any intentions. When walking up to the girl you’ve got your eye on, stop her politely, as though the thought just occurred to you. These words are the deadliest in your arsenal: “I’m sorry to interrupt you, but I just wanted to tell you, you look really beautiful today.” Advanced practitioners can insert a bashful smile and run a hand through their (own) hair- picture trying to look a little embarrassed that you just did this; it’s like she was just so pretty you couldn’t help but say it! While not necessary, this pretty much guarantees your target is imagining you riding in on a white horse. We can’t help ourselves when assailed with a deadly combo of initiative, flattery and vulnerability. The trick is to immediately take back complete control and guarantee that “vulnerable” doesn’t trend towards wimpy. Wish her a good day, and continue past her like you’re heading along on whatever business a busy fellow like you has going on. You’ve just laid the groundwork for a slew of options, but most importantly, you’ve just come across as the perfect package deal of every quality she could possibly want. 

Here’s why this works: we’re hard wired to be attracted to confidence and dominance. You’ve proven that you’re both polite and sensitive enough to treat me right, and no girl on the planet is completely immune to flattery. The biggest key, and the one that drives us absolutely bananas, is that you’re proving that you don’t actually care enough to leave us in control of the situation. This is that crucial hint of mysterious bad boy douchebaggery that lures a girl in. 

Where do you go from here? A confident girl has a pretty good chance of starting up a conversation with you. A shy one isn’t intimidated because you’re not being pushy, and a militant one can’t accuse you of being a chauvinist pig. You can roll with whatever she throws your way; you can go a few steps, turn around and give her your number as an “afterthought”, or just keep walking knowing that girl’s going to go to bed thinking about you. She’s going to tell all her friends about you, because every girl secretly wants other people to know that men find her attractive- what it all adds up to is you weighing on her mind for a large part of the foreseeable future. Years ago or days ago, I remember every detail about every guy who has ever done this. So much so that here I am, telling you about the profoundly sexy impact it had on me. 

Try this out on a random- the walk away guarantees there’s no awkward silence and mitigates any fear you may have of failure. If there’s a girl you pass on your walk home, on an occasional route past a coffee shop or the bank, you can follow it up later with a smile and an apologetic “I’m too busy to stop for you right now” shrug; she’ll be keeping an eye out for you for the next few weeks, hoping to catch YOUR attention and break through your carefully crafted indifference. Maybe you’re only going to try it to get some practice in; regardless of how you choose to use this weapon, it’s going to make you act and feel like a million bucks, and the resulting confidence and independence is sexy. Start with this in your arsenal.*

after thought: this has happened to me. it works I remember those boys very well.
*(edited to keep the content clean) 

best friend syndrome.

you like him.
his best friend likes you.
it's flattering, yes.
fairy tale, no.

I will not mention names... but it stinks. 

it has happened numerous times lately. 

four. four times.

solution: no idea. 

plan:  anything but use the guy to get to the best friend.