my nurse was nice, she apologized for the hospital socks that matched. I was just impressed she notice my non-matching socks. my doctor is very kind and talented, I just wish I didn't have to see him as much as I do.
so in a fit of wanting to entertain myself I went to the good ol' fb (pronounced eff bee). I had a spark of insanity to post this.
it started slow, only had three 'likes' after about an hour. I thought to myself after those messages were sent, "well this was a fun experience, whatevs." more and more slowly came through.
now for the kicker, what I learned.
I could drone on about how we find the bad in people all the time (which is true, don't deny it) and we run with it. Most of the time I use my social networking for saying "ha, I'm better" not in so many words, but basically that's what happens.
but, but, everyone who I got to send a message to, I was very surprised with what I felt about them. I had to change my attitude from them being just an ordinary person to pushing to see how they are amazing. and oh boy they are.
I would be lying if told you that it was easy to come up with things to write, because well some people I hadn't even seen for five or so years, and there are two that I personally haven't met. not wanting to back down from my challenge that I blasted over the fb, I actually said a prayer about it, about these people.
the beautiful attributes hit me hard.
I was able to let these people know how they are beautiful, why I see them as kind, what their witty attitude does, who they help to be happy, where they have affected my life for the better.
not that I expect replies, because that is not the purpose of my challenge, but some have replied with simple 'thank yous' and questions of why I did this. but one sent me a message before I could send his to him, the gesture alone was enough to make my day, let alone what he wrote being genuine and heartfelt, he gave me a taste of what I might be doing for others.
maybe I was blessed being able so say simple things to people and let them interpret them how they want, or maybe I was blessed with seeing a glimpse of how our Savior sees them. all I know is that I am so amazed of how marvelous each person is.
I was honored with this idea, one that I thought to be silly at first, but I am thankful for this. I am thankful for the people who participated. I learned something valuable, where the incredible lies.
I enjoy a day with my sewing machine (really my mom's) it gets me all excited to go out and sport whatever I've made.
people notice my handmade/homemade items that I sport. I am tired of just wearing them myself. I want to start making for others. It's a slow start and going to be difficult.
fox scarf. furry and cozy.
bandit scarf. three ways to wear it. maybe four if you're feeling mischievous.
bow. pin in hair for a playful style.
necklace. well lets face it, you don't ever have too much jewelry.
being popular in real life is a lot different than being popular online.
twitter - a whopping 18 followers. which is more than expected because I didn't start to even understand twitter until about three days ago.
instagram - 199 followers. thats a good solid number. I really don't really expect to get any more than that. other than the fact that my best friend doesn't follow me. jerk. okay joke.
facebook - 1,128 friends. only because I can add people too.
blogger - 12 followers. twelve. I'm okay with twelve. there are many personal blogs with a couple thousand. I would get scared. or go writing crazy.
attempting more social media accounts then the ones that I already have seems like a daunting task. I am not ready.
real life friends are great. even better a real life boyfriend is great. online hand holding just doesn't sound nice.
bastille poses a great question. pompeii is the chosen song to depict the month for august for this simple question asked. turns out the hail storm of august led to a possibly happy september. we will see.
"In the gospel of Jesus Christ you have help from both sides of the veil, and you must never forget that. When disappointment and discouragement strike—and they will—you remember and never forget that if our eyes could be opened we would see horses and chariots of fire as far as the eye can see riding at reckless speed to come to our protection. They will always be there, these armies of heaven, in defense of Abraham’s seed." -Jeffrey R. Holland
this one is to take cockiness to the next level - confidence. when a single girl knows how to change the game.
to get noticed. In a big crowd, look for someone attractive. don't stare. glance. sneak a peek.
story. sitting in church, listening to the speaker, looking around at all the new faces that have arrived this summer. spotted. attractive tall blonde. lucky for me I was able to be looking at the speaker, but have this young fellow in my peripherals. and as all young men do in a singles ward, he started to look around. looked in his general direction. key, not at him. he looked just past me. made my quick look for eye contact. smile. some would be shy with the smile. some would say it is a necessity to be shy about the smile. the real trick is to give him a real smile. one of confidence. it will throw the fellow off. it did. but there was a return smile.
done. noticed.
later.
second church meeting. positioning. find a place to sit in front of the fellow.
listen to the entire meeting. if so inclined volunteer an answer once. just enough to say that shyness isn't there, but also not too much to become 'that person' who takes over the spotlight. unattractive. it doesn't hurt to steal one slightly obvious look at thefellow.
meeting over. sit there. letting others stand up first. sit there confidently. in a sense of "I'm comfortable where I am at, I'll stand up when I want to."
the fellow lingering behind. naturally.
stood up went to walk away but a quick "hi my name is the fellow" (name chanced for anonymity) some kind words of small talk were exchanged then the "you should really start coming to the ward activities. I'll look for you"
success.
game time. no good game butt spanking though. keeping it pg here.
combined singles ward church activity. my playing ground. look dangerously gorgeous. the rest will be easy. don't single any guy out let them single you out. it will happen.
first one. or first two in all technicality. known them once or twice before. conversation was filled with snarky quips and dull responses. one hates women apparently, great way to get in the good graces of a beautiful girl.
the activity started. participate. legitimately put in effort to participate. migrate back to he pavilion where the cute, non-participators are. stand on a table. gotten noticed yet?
five seconds. red came up to me and started with "I know you from somewhere" cute start.
a soccer ball was an easy trick. stolen. soccer boy wanted his ball back. again success.
getting a root beer float was a good choice. someone asking me if I liked the melted ice cream. meh. then I went back for seconds. he asked again.
the fellow. said hi. a hi was replied. then a see ya at church.
leaving finally. "hey has anyone told you that you look like carly rae jepson?"
I don't want to answer that. but it was a nice simple conversation.
at my car. a boy stopped me. a boy that has been watching all my interactions. he said I had skill. shh...
what I'm getting at is the fact that I didn't sit still, I became interesting. people wanted to talk to me, not just because they found an attraction there, but because I was open to the interactions. half the battle of meeting new people and getting a lame or witty line from them is moving around. be somewhere noticeable. give them opportunity. they will take it.
all growing up I have truly believed in the gospel. my testimony is the most precious knowledge that I have. I have always known that I want an everlasting marriage, a temple marriage. I am really struggling currently with getting there. I am still young and I know I have time.
I have always been called beautiful and personable, but the reason why I am struggling is not because I have not been getting asked out, it is not that I refuse to go out with these boys. I am struggling because I feel like my standard for a guy is too high.
this standard was created because I had a boy show me how a boy should treat a girl. he always opens my door, he says good morning to me every day, he won't let my mom do the dishes whenever he's around, he studies often and won't settle for low grades, he excuses himself for a few moments to help an elderly person down the stairs or through a door, he moved home to house sit for his parents while they are on a mission, he always comes over to hold my hand while I struggle with an illness that I've had for half my life, he watches me practice my violin, he asks how my day was, he spends enormous amounts of time with his nieces and nephews just because he wants to, he smiles at me, he cooks very well, he makes me happy, and he has shown me how to treat another person.
this boy is not a member of the lds church, yet he is more Christ-like than most young men I know.
he understands how important a temple marriage is to me. he lets me to go out with worthy returned missionaries because he knows that he can't give me what I desire currently. I know it breaks his heart when I do.
I pray before each date, I enjoy myself with these other boys, there is good conversation, attraction, mutual love of the gospel. sadly, there is always a pattern of a sense of entitlement that these other boys have, in turn they don't make me feel happy, I have felt like a prize or a piece of property. a long term goal to be achieved, not a partnership in love and kindness. I have prayed many times to help me get past that, but I am struggling to accept that I don't deserve to be treated as the first boy treats me.
I understand that serving a mission is an amazing service and I respect each and every missionary. why don't they understand that pursuit of a girl, a person to spend eternity with, should be done with an attitude of kindness, friendship, and partnership, not an attitude of entitlement and disrespect.
I am not perfect myself. since I have been loved in a kind way, I try to enter each encounter with a boy with sincere feelings that I want to treat them how they should be treated.
is it too much to ask for a boy who is like the first and has the goal of a temple marriage.
to the boys reading this, do not think you are an exception, you are not. ask yourself if you could treat girls better, if you think that the answer is no, you are very much mistaken. you can always treat someone better than you do.
there is a boy who has haunted my dreams since I was little. he shows up unexpectedly and it feels like he is taunting me, not wanting me to have complete happiness without him. last night he was there again, mischievous as ever. he sabotages my views on the feelings I think I have. he is ruthless, possibly because my mind is his home. he has full reign during the long hours of the night. the most infuriating part is when I am so incandescently happy he shows up and reminds me that until I find him in reality my happiness will suffer. he knows who is designed for me and will not allow any deviation.
these are stories for the girls. boys, you probably won't care.
so I've had couple first kisses in my life that were less then spectacular, only later to find out that the boy is actually pretty talented.
I wanted to graduate high school being VL president. it was important back then. I was successful.
my very first kiss was when I was 18, so only a few years ago, actually less than three, and it was cheesy to the max. I still enjoy divulging in the story when someone asks to hear it. freshman Bill, as my family refers to him, I'll explain. to set the scene we have to go back a few days before it happened, Bill and I went to the Deseret Industries and we were cuddling on one of the ugly $20 couches after we had workshop together, we were showing each other "our moves" we used to flirt with people of the opposite sex. that was it, I went home, still never been kissed. Bill took me on a date a few days later where we went to the magical north canyon park. ended up star gazing on the grass, the conversation was easy, the cuddling was comfortable. suddenly he turned and looked at me and said "how about this for a move?" without hesitation he just planted one on me, it was wet, warm, and weird. the first words I muttered after were "I'm not VL anymore" and neither was he, we were each other's first kiss. cute. he is freshman Bill because I was a year into college and he was a junior in high school, it got exaggerated to me being a senior in college and him being a freshman in high school.
I didn't really find what I preferred in style/technique until there was a boy who made it fun.
the reference that is used to this day is the boy who was my first new-years kiss, but it was a rocky start. there was hesitation and uncertainty if it was okay, which is normal, but it was new-years. as our dating progressed he then made up for our crappy first kiss, there was talent, style, and something that I had never experienced before him, butterflies. he was mmm... good.
sometimes you just need to figure each other out right? wrong. there was a boy that we tried for a little while, sadly we just couldn't master each other. it didn't work out between us.
there is a boy who I dated for six/seven months and we still joke about how terrible our first kiss was, it made the record books, there was hesitation, awkwardness, and just plain ridiculous misalignment. he tops the stack of good kissers, right by the reference. every time since the first that we locked lips I could feel how much each one meant to him. it was so tangible that you could cut it with a knife.
now for a boy who has my favorite first kiss story, it was simple, he walked me to my car, placed his hand on my cheek with his fingers on the back of my neck and pulled me in for a simple, sweet, perfect length kiss. that's how you kiss a girl like you mean it.
now for a boy who took what he wanted and I was okay with it, because (swear word). it was after a long night of flirting we finally had some alone time. saucy. cuddling on the couch, hand holding, teasing, all of the signs were there that he was going to kiss me. he didn't. I almost broke and went for it myself, but I've never initiated a first kiss. finally I decided it was time to go home, we were walking to his front door and before I could open it he turned me and literally shoved me up against door and just took what he wanted, and (swear word) it was a good first kiss. he is right up there with mr. awkward and the reference, the three are tied. he really knows how to kiss a girl like he means it.
the (texting) sentence stopper is always a fun one. one of my really good guy friends (cliche) and I were chilling at his apartment talking about our love lives. I was texting a few boys during the conversation. he, what I thought was jokingly, said that I have too many boys and that I should just date him, I laughed and told him that he doesn't have the guts to kiss me let alone date me. this all being said while I was looking at my phone texting two different guys, he grabbed my face in both hands, like in the movies, and kissed me. the kiss caused me to drop my phone and forget what I was even talking about. he kissed his way out of the friend zone.
"No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude, and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, build up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God...and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire and which will make us more like our Father and Mother in heaven..." Orson F. Whitney
she dances in her pajamas with people in animal costumes.
everyone in their life time needs to deal with breaking up with some one, being broken up with, and having the break up be mutual.
I'm going to start with the latter. having a break up be mutual is actually extremely refreshing. we are legitimately friends.
being broken up with. it sucks, I won't sugar coat it. I'm talking full on out of the blue (to you) break up. your heart is crushed (heart can't be broken, it's a muscle, therefore it can only be crushed) you are crying, sad, and lonely. all you want to do is watch reruns of (insert favorite show here) and eat. I was blessed when I had this happen to me, I told my mom and she ran to the store and bought me popsicles, mashed potatoes, and spicy naco doritos. it sucked for ten days. now I'm fine.
in my opinion breaking up with someone is by far the most difficult. I will never forget the guy who passed out on my doorstep. there was a guy who I broke up with while I was on morphine, easiest of all my breaking-up-with break ups. and there was the gem who made me listen to a twenty minute song before he would let me say anything, because it described how perfect we were together.
now for the one that no one knows about. break up with the fantasy boy or girl who occupies your lonely mind. he or she doesn't exist. face it the perfect person for you won't be perfect. this is okay, because you are not perfect either.
Mega-successful people don't dwell on their failures; they treat them as learning opportunities. Think, what if that bad break up was the best thing that ever happened to you.
so to start off my newest rant january was a tough month to choose a theme song for, but then yesterday I found myself all alone in my home, singing this number at the top of my lungs.
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my very first kiss was when I was 18, so only a few years ago, actually less than three, and it was cheesy to the max. I still enjoy divulging in the story when someone asks to hear it. freshman Bill, as my family refers to him, I'll explain. to set the scene we have to go back a few days before it happened, Bill and I went to the Deseret Industries and we were cuddling on one of the ugly $20 couches after we had workshop together, we were showing each other "our moves" we used to flirt with people of the opposite sex. that was it, I went home, still never been kissed. Bill took me on a date a few days later where we went to the magical north canyon park. ended up star gazing on the grass, the conversation was easy, the cuddling was comfortable. suddenly he turned and looked at me and said "how about this for a move?" without hesitation he just planted one on me, it was wet, warm, and weird. the first words I muttered after were "I'm not VL anymore" and neither was he, we were each other's first kiss. cute. he is freshman Bill because I was a year into college and he was a junior in high school, it got exaggerated to me being a senior in college and him being a freshman in high school.
the reference that is used to this day is the boy who was my first new-years kiss, but it was a rocky start. there was hesitation and uncertainty if it was okay, which is normal, but it was new-years. as our dating progressed he then made up for our crappy first kiss, there was talent, style, and something that I had never experienced before him, butterflies. he was mmm... good.
there is a boy who I dated for six/seven months and we still joke about how terrible our first kiss was, it made the record books, there was hesitation, awkwardness, and just plain ridiculous misalignment. he tops the stack of good kissers, right by the reference. every time since the first that we locked lips I could feel how much each one meant to him. it was so tangible that you could cut it with a knife.
