I have always been called beautiful and personable, but the reason why I am struggling is not because I have not been getting asked out, it is not that I refuse to go out with these boys. I am struggling because I feel like my standard for a guy is too high.
this standard was created because I had a boy show me how a boy should treat a girl. he always opens my door, he says good morning to me every day, he won't let my mom do the dishes whenever he's around, he studies often and won't settle for low grades, he excuses himself for a few moments to help an elderly person down the stairs or through a door, he moved home to house sit for his parents while they are on a mission, he always comes over to hold my hand while I struggle with an illness that I've had for half my life, he watches me practice my violin, he asks how my day was, he spends enormous amounts of time with his nieces and nephews just because he wants to, he smiles at me, he cooks very well, he makes me happy, and he has shown me how to treat another person.
this boy is not a member of the lds church, yet he is more Christ-like than most young men I know.
he understands how important a temple marriage is to me. he lets me to go out with worthy returned missionaries because he knows that he can't give me what I desire currently. I know it breaks his heart when I do.
I pray before each date, I enjoy myself with these other boys, there is good conversation, attraction, mutual love of the gospel. sadly, there is always a pattern of a sense of entitlement that these other boys have, in turn they don't make me feel happy, I have felt like a prize or a piece of property. a long term goal to be achieved, not a partnership in love and kindness. I have prayed many times to help me get past that, but I am struggling to accept that I don't deserve to be treated as the first boy treats me.
I understand that serving a mission is an amazing service and I respect each and every missionary. why don't they understand that pursuit of a girl, a person to spend eternity with, should be done with an attitude of kindness, friendship, and partnership, not an attitude of entitlement and disrespect.
I am not perfect myself. since I have been loved in a kind way, I try to enter each encounter with a boy with sincere feelings that I want to treat them how they should be treated.
is it too much to ask for a boy who is like the first and has the goal of a temple marriage.
to the boys reading this, do not think you are an exception, you are not. ask yourself if you could treat girls better, if you think that the answer is no, you are very much mistaken. you can always treat someone better than you do.
I know I am trying to be better at it.
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